Greed Is Good
by Mistress of odd pairings
Summary: so far three short humor fics. this will be added to later but any ideas are welcomed. short 3 has slight movie spoilers. please r&r!
1. Yugi's pot addiction

A/n: This short is also featured on my web page in 'funny pics and fan art'. Go visit please and leave me a tag!

**Ps, this is in no way endorsing drugs, it's intended to be funny, and drugs are _NOT_ cool.**

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Yugi's pot addiction and other funny shorts.

Yami sat next to Yugi who was looking through his cards.

"Yugi...we need to talk about something."

Yugi looked up suddenly but shook his head.

"Not now, i have to find it!"

Yami sighed and stood.

"I took it away, you don't need it to duel."

Yugi became angry and stood!

"It's just a little pot! I'm not hurting anyone by using it!"

Yami shook his head.

" You had one and you said that was it, but then you bought another and that wasn't enough. You've now had three and i just took away your fourth. It's time to take control Yugi! Give up the pot!"

Yugi punched at Yami but his little fists didn't do much.

"No! It's my pot! I have one for every deck!"

Yami looked shocked.

"I knew it was a bad idea for you to start hanging out with Malik!"

Yugi glared.

"That's not fair! Malik didn't give it to me!"

Yami crossed his arms.

"Who gave you the pot? I want to know."

Yugi crossed his arms.

"No! I'm not telling, you'll just get her in trouble!"

Yami narrowed his eyes at Yugi.

"So it was Mai!"

Yugi shook his head.

"No!"

Yami pulled the pot out of his pocket and smelled it.

"I can't believe it was Anzu."

Yugi shook his head.

"You don't know her! Stop asking I'm not going to tell you!"

Yami sat down on the bed.

"Come here and tell me who it was...I'll give it back to you if you promise this is the last one!"

Yugi sighed and nodded, sitting next to Yami.

"It was this girl i met a few weeks ago named Maya. She uses it in every duel and it really helps her. And it really helps Malik too Yami. Please give me back my pot. I'll only use it one more time."

Yami sighed and gave it back to him.

"Okay Yugi, here's your pot but...we have to use it together."

Yugi nodded as he took the card.

"My pot! I love my pot of greed! Thank you Yami!"

Yami sighed and lay back.

"You're hopeless..."

The end...

**Ps, this is in no way endorsing drugs, it's intended to be funny, and drugs are _NOT_ cool.**

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Now for the background on this. I frequent a card shop that holds duel monsters tournaments every Saturday and Sunday. Most of us duelists use just the first word on the card and there are many jokes about pot of greed and this came from one of them. Other cards are...

Graceful graceful charity

Change change of heart

Yata yata gratsu**HATES that bird!**

Magic magic cylinders

Injection injection fairy lily **which will have it's own funny short**

And M.S.T mystical space typhoon


	2. too much starch

A/n: my collection of ever growing humor short. Please enjoy and review!

Too much starch!

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Mokuba woke up that Saturday afternoon in a good mood.

Unfortunately for him however, Seto was NOT in a good mood and his screaming could be heard all the way in the attic where it disturbed some pigeons that flew away warbling.

"What do you mean you can't get the stain out?!"

The laundry woman who barely spoke Japanese was trying very hard to explain.

"But Master Kaiba, if I could get the jacket into the washer the stain would come out."

Seto snarled at her and didn't see Mokuba, who now had said jacket in arms, standing behind him.

"Why can't you get it in the washer?! I've got the best washer and dryer money can buy, my laundry practically does it's self!"

Mokuba, unseen by either parties in front of him, laid the jacket out on the floor and examined the coffee stain.

The woman spoke very calmly to her irate employer and wrung her hands to keep from shaking.

Everyone knew that when Seto Kaiba was in a bad mood, so was EVERYONE else and he'd make sure of that.

"It simply won't fit sir...I can't fold it I can't roll it I can't do anything with it! It's like hard plastic!"

Seto was about to scream again when Mokuba tapped him on the shoulder.

"She's telling the truth big brother lay off already."

He swung around and opened his mouth to scold his little brother for interrupting an 'important conversation' when he saw his jacket standing on it's own, in the very shape that he took it off in.

his eyes bulged out of his head for a moment and then he turned back to the woman with a glair that almost made her faint.

"How is that possible?!"

Mokuba smirked and patted his shoulder.

"Too much starch big brother...too much starch."

And walked away.

Seto's mouth dropped open and he ran after his brother, leaving the poor woman to figure out how to wash the jacket.

She turned as she heard Mokuba call to her.

"Oh hey, you have to take it outside and spray it down with the hose before it'll give."

She gave him a confused look and he chuckled.

"You must be new, Seto's shirts and pants are the same way, you should see his closet. Maybe you can save him some room by not adding any starch to the laundry."

She nodded with a sigh.

"I'll remember that Master Mokuba."

She turned back to the jacket that was still standing there and gave another sigh.

'I guess it's a good thing I bought two bottles of fabric softener...'

And retrieved the jacket, heading outside to hose it down.

The end.

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lol so what'd you think? Ja!


	3. Nurses aid

A/n: number three in my funny shorts (looks down and shakes her head) I'm wearing pants, not those kinds of shorts! Lol this was inspired by the movie so if you haven't seen it don't read this one. Please review, ja!

Nurses Aid

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Jonouchi Katsuya was not afraid of anything.

Not girls, not bullies, fights, or love letters.

Well almost nothing.

Except now due to the battle he had lost while fending off hoards of duelists, he had developed a fear of nurses...and needles...big needles.

These two things he was afraid of more than death so when the school ordered all students in the tenth grade to get a check up at the hospital, Jonouchi did the most logical thing he thought of doing...screaming like a little girl and hiding behind Yugi.

Yugi sighed.

He was next to get his check up and most of the tenth graders had to have shots.

He turned to Jonouchi after catching sight of the nurse.

"Hey Jonouchi, the nurse looks pretty hot. I don't think you'll notice the sh..."

Jonouchi covered Yugi's mouth and shook his head violently.

"I can't even let you say...that word Yug. It's...scary! You didn't see what happened that day!"

Yugi sighed again and turned to go into the room but Jonouchi grabbed his arm.

"Hey Yugi."

He nodded, thinking from the expression on his friends face that he was about to learn something profound.

"Bring me back a lollypop."

Yugi rolled his eyes and went in.

After a few minute he came out rubbing his left shoulder and tossed Jonouchi a green lollypop, knowing full well that Jonouchi's favorite flavor was cherry.

"Come on Yugi, you know I hate sour apple!"

Yugi shrugged.

"I guess the only way to get the one you want is to be a good boy and go get your shot. It didn't hurt that bad, even I'm not crying. You'll be fine."

Jonouchi looked at Yugi and then at the door, and then at Yugi and then at the...

"Beautiful woman with a short dress and a red lollypop who's calling my name!"

Yugi chuckled and patted his back as he walked away.

Jonouchi walked into the room and sat down on the table.

She smiled at him and he smiled back.

He began to think as she started examining his chest, his breathing, heart, back.

"Man you look familiar. What's you're name?"

He didn't realize she'd given him the shot, bandaged his arm, and stuck a cherry lollypop in his hand.

"Fairy, but my friends call me Lily."

That's when it hit him...Injection Fairy Lily!

This nurse looked just like her!

He had forgotten to put his shirt back on and started to run out.

"But you forgot you're shirt!"

He never glanced back and shouted.

"Keep it you scary fairy!"

As he ran down the hall he kept muttering to himself.

"I hate the Injection Fairy Lily! She won't get another shot outta me! Sneaky freaky fairy!"

The end

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lol so that's the last of them for the moment. If anyone has some ideas please email me, well please review, ja!


	4. Seto's night of Insanity

A/n: I must thank Rose-chan for this idea, so I hope you like it, please review!

Make Over: Seto's Night of Insanity

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Seto paced back and forth in front of the mirror late one night and sighed to himself as he looked at his reflection.

'Same old Seto Kaiba. I'm so bored with me it's not funny. I want a change.'

So he grabbed all the magazines his secretary had left at the house upon her last visit and sat in the middle of his bed.

He set the rather large stack beside him and started flipping.

He didn't find many men in the first one, least of all any he found appealing so he set it aside and took the next one.

Flipping through that one he found three familiar faces, two he couldn't stand and the third...well he didn't quite like the boy but he certainly didn't hate him either.

And the more he studied the figure the more he began to like his clothes and oddly...his hair.

'Yugi...you may serve a purpose to me yet.'

He set that one aside with the page open and flipped through the third, then the fourth and fifth and finally he had all seven open to pages with the game kings picture.

He studied them and took measurements in his head.

'Well he is quite a bit shorter than me and I defiantly don't have THAT MUCH hair, but I think I can work with this.'

And as he walked into the bathroom and pulled out Mokuba's hair gel he began to think.

'It can't just be the hair...what I can I do to be like Yugi? Why can't I ever beat that spoiled little brat? I hate him like a little brother, and love him like a little sister. Wait a minute, I have a little sister uh, brother...this is wrong.'

He redid his bangs in the best impression of the pharaoh as he could but that was difficult to say the least and ended up looking like strands of ribbon plastered to his forehead so he started on the spikes.

This he found to be a lot easier for some reason...but it took a LOT more hair gel.

Now with a chestnut version of the famed duelist's hair, he went back into his room, throwing away the empty container as he left.

He took his deck out of his pocket and stared at the blue eyes white dragon.

'I love you card. Is this the bond Yugi shares with his dark magician? Okay here goes.'

"I believe in the heart of the cards...I believe in the heart of the cards...deep breath I believe in the heart of the cards..."

Mokuba was walking past his brother's room when he spotted the familiar and unusual hair.

"Seto...what happened?"

Seto looked up from his heavy concentration of trying to believe in the heart of the cards.

"What?...oh the hair? I thought that if I looked like Yugi I could beat him."

Mokuba looked on in shock/horror and didn't know whether to laugh or run away screaming.

Or maybe he should run away screaming and laughing.

"You do realize it's four A.M. and you've been up for five days straight don't you?"

Seto looked up at him in confusion.

"Aren't you declared clinically insane after forty-eight hours of being awake?"

Mokuba nodded.

"Well then I better get to sleep...I'll work on believing in the heart of the cards tomorrow. Night-night Mokie!"

Mokuba nodded with a grin and walked away as Seto crawled into bed.

'I think you'll regret using all my hair gel in the morning...it's just a good thing Joey doesn't know about this...the pictures would be all over town.'

Then a devilish thought crossed his mind and he disappeared into his room...

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The next afternoon Seto woke and walked down the call back to the bathroom wondering why all his secretary's magazines were strewn all over his bed.

It wasn't a pleasant sight to wake up to Yugi, Yugi, Yugi, Joey, Yugi, Tristan, Yugi, and Yugi all around him.

As he rounded the corner into the bathroom he was farther annoyed at the sight of an empty hair gel container in the trash.

'Dang it Mokuba, we just bought that yesterday!'

He started to brush his teeth when he looked up and caught sight of his hair.

"OH MY GOD WHAT HAPPENED TO MY HAIR!?"

Then he made the connections.

The magazines, the gel...and he realized that Mokuba must have been the one behind it.

"MOKUBA!"

The boy happily scampered into the bathroom with something behind his back, giggling uncontrollably.

Seto growled and narrowed his eyes, giving his little brother a softer version of the death glare he gave Yugi all the time.

"You think this is funny? What do you have to say for yourself young man?"

Mokuba finally burst into a fit of laughter and handed him the eight by ten photo of Seto asleep in bed cuddling a Yugi plushie

That Mokuba had won at a carnival and conveniently found to place with his big brother.

"It's a Kodack moment! You lost it last night. You were even mumbling about the heart of the cards. Bye!"

And took off before Seto had a chance to yell again.

He looked at the picture and back at his reflection and then at the picture.

"I hate Yugi Muto!"

He finished brushing his teeth and picked up his brush.

He started to try and brush it down but it wouldn't budge.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!"

And so our lovable CEO was left on the floor trying his best to get his hair unstuck.

Mokuba burst into another fit of laughter and threw himself onto his bed.

'I wonder when it'll occur to him to take a shower?'

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The end!

Lmao 2:52 am. Ja!


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